And this...remember this

http://apublicdiary.blogspot.com/2013/02/change-is-good-thing.html

What we learnt this week

• Vision without goals is just hallucination.
• Kindness matters just as much as gratitude.
• Do things for the right reasons, not right outcomes.
• Often when everyone optimizes rationally for themselves, everyone is worse off as a collective.
• Give more than you take.

Limbo

So, it has been a week. 

Actually it has been 15 days, but the first week was just a vacation. 

The first week, this country was just like any other place in the world I could have been visiting. Correction, we, could have been visiting.

The first week, I wasn't alone. We were tourists, but only one of us had a return ticket. A ticket that tells you that the vacation is over and it is time to go back home. A ticket that told me, that I couldn't go back home just yet. That I had to live here, potentially for the next two years, and I had to start calling this place home.

This simple but nice apartment in the still summery, still beautiful city of Boston, Massachusetts, United States of America. 

And so here I am, one week after it ended, one week after it began. But this doesn't feel like home yet. And my home isn't my home anymore. As I type this, my favorite home is being packed, cleaned up and returned as a house, the way I inherited it seven months ago. I still have a home to go back to, but it won't be the same. And I can't go back anyway for a few days. 111 of them. 

I should have been excited to be here. Harvard Business School. People say it sounds like a big deal. Not to me. I am still struggling to be happy here. I do not feel like I belong. I do not like being lonely, yet I cannot stand the people here. I should be making new connections, finding happiness and learning in little things, but it exhausts me. It's been only a week, so I guess it will get better. Right now though, it's like being in a limbo. My mind is half there, and half here. Half of me wants to go back and live my happy life, half of me wants to get immersed here and find the new, different happiness. But I can't do either, at the moment. I want to, but I can't. I am lost in the limbo.

I do not intend to sound so pessimistic. There isn't much wrong with this place. It isn't like I am losing what I had back home yet. I think I just need to get it out of my system, so I can stop thinking and start living, even if in bits and pieces, again. Hence this blog. I hope one of these days I read this and laugh at being so crazy and acting so difficult. I hope this blog helps me remember the good moments and the bad moments better, because the experience is the sum of both. 

It has been a week. I am fevery and alone today. But I hope I feel better tomorrow. Or the day after. But soon enough. It would be such a waste if I spend these two years in the limbo. I want to go back home, soon, but now that I am here, I want to go back home a better person. 

Feel better, kiddo!